October 04, 2005

Noodle this, Kansas

     So, because there has been a lot of controversy over the mess with the Kansas board of education, and their decision to make "intelligent design" part of the curriculum. I didn't make any comments simply because I both wasn't here, and that I think that anyone who believes that God created life probably couldn't be convinced otherwise because it is something that cannot be disproved. Certainly someone could say: "Doesn't this seem to make more sense?" But they could simply dispute it with a belief, which cannot be disproved because there is nothing to disprove. It is simply a belief. As usual, I'll give you the link to the site, and put it up here:

     I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.
     Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
     It is for this reason that Iím writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. Iím sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.
     Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people donít understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
     Iím sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we donít.
     You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

     In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

     Sincerely Yours,
          Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

Posted by Kickmyassman at October 4, 2005 10:34 PM

Another FSMer! May His message of peace and deliciousness be spread across the world. I hope to one day rise enough in His favor to look upon His glorious meatballs with my own eyes and -- dare I say it? -- be touched by His noodly appendage.


Posted by: David at October 5, 2005 10:10 PM

More cool stuff on the FSM:

(BTW, its been around for a while........)

Posted by: Cavalkaf at October 6, 2005 09:36 AM

That letter was unbearably stupid. Please don't insult people who believe in ID, then proceed to humiliate yourself like that.

Posted by: at October 9, 2005 02:50 PM

You are a fool. At the core level there is no difference between the arguments for ID I've heard and this. For all YOU know, the Holy Bible could have been written by some poor delusional in a cave.
The fact is that people who believe in ID for the mostpart are too stupid to comprehend how life could have been created from latent energy and simple chemicals- as has been repeatedly demonstrated to be plausible- a fellow in a laboratory took two months to create six of the nine vital amino acids by shocking primordial soup with electricity. TWO MONTHS, YOU DUMBASS! Is IMPOSSIBLE that it could have occured naturally over BILLIONS of years?!
The simple truth is that without a TESTABLE HYPOTHESIS, there is no SCIENCE, there is no THEORY. What is your hypothesis?!
You people are mostly very stupid. You insult your own existence by pinning it on a god humans created in the first place. (And don't dare claim it was the other way around. There's been enough folly and horror in our history from religious hypocrits and fanatics to learn that anyone convinced that theirs is the only true view is dangerous and foolish).
And if you aren't convinced you are right, then why are you arguing for ID in the firstplace?

I apologize for this disorganized rant. I wouldn't hate ID people if they would meet me on equal logical ground, but arguing baseless belief against tangible evidence is beyond the scope of debate. Assholes.

Posted by: Jack at October 13, 2005 05:08 PM
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