Kit's Blog

A response

     So, we now have a comment in response to the previous entry:
Banned IP:
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     Ah yes, sorry about some of those comments, I felt bad later and tried to explain myself, but my router screwed up and I lost it all. I shall try to rectonstruct my view.
     I would also like to point out that this is a weblog being kept by a rather overwight teenager, not my fucking English class, but to make for better reading, I shall try to "learn sentence structure."
     The main point of what I tried to say is that the people on this site have no idea what they are talking about. I have little idea what the guy writing the letter feels, but you clearly have less. I have read one book on the subject of depression, and I can easily see that this guy is suffering from it. A major symptom is the simple inability to do things. You just can't get up, everything you do is pointless. You become desperate to become something, anything. Some people pertend to be smarter than others, maybe they are, maybe they aren't, I don't know, but it is more than idle boasting on his part. Yet you sit here, at your computer screens insulting him for simply articulating how he feels.

"1. Smart people are lazy - wait... - NATURALLY lazy.
2. Reducing the amount of work that people have to do makes them less lazy.
3. When teachers collect homework, they are favoring the dumber kids.
4. The dumber kids will copy off of the smarter kids homework which the smarter kids were to lazy to do.
5. These dumb kids will turn in the homework that they copied off the smarter kids, while the smarter kids won't turn in the homework because they didn't do it. (Read that one again, see if your mind fries)
6. These dumb kids will also ask the smart kids for answers right before a test, and pass it while the smart kids fail. (Try reading this one again as well)"
     He is talking from a different perspective. Building off the foundation of his depression, he wishes to be seen as different, he is different. When he looks at other people he sees two different kinds of intelligence. The type of people who obssess over college and such, and the type of people that don't bother. He probably isn't very smart, but still, it is his perception that counts.

"His is a closed mind.
His words are arrows. Bent, burnt.
Logic deserts him.
In his day of need
his perceptions twist him as
flowers closed at night."
     Why is murder illegal? I hardly consider you normal, Jack, but fucking hell. Please explain what this has to do with anything. You guys sit here making fun of an unkown guy who articulates his feelings in a letter, but ignore the guy who insults guy number one in poem format. IN POEM FORMAT. I am sure it is a great poem, I don't care, but poetry is not supposed to be used to insult people. How is he supposed to argue with you? "You only used one metaphor, bitch!?" Rather than presenting an actual argument, you write a poem. Congratulations, now shut the hell up.

"If you want to write a novel or a sequel or a short story do like Kit said and take a creative writing class."
     God, does anyone bother to read? I read one book, and I understand something so simple that you simply can't comprehend? Depression breeds indescisiveness(sp?). He does not want to make a decsion that could affect his whole life, such as going, for what you would call "an easy out that colleges wouldn't like." He understands the mentality that you have towards "easy outs" and he can't decide.

"I personally loved Raisin and the Sun (complete with its character analysis and so forth) and, wonderful as one may be, if you think an Orson Scott Card book has more literary value it is my opinion that you're a short-sighted jackass."
     Wow, you read BookWorld, why don't we hail you as the master of all knowledge. God forbid someone have a different opinion than you. I may not agree, science fiction on the whole is pretty stupid, if you ask me, but he is entitled to his own opinions. And I must say, you don't seem to have the balls to place your views out for public showcase like this. And for good reason, some nerdy moron might have got ahold of them and "tore apart your poorly written views." I wonder why noone speaks out anymore. There is always some idiot who can only understand his point of view.

"Kit, this was written by Johnathan Ecker, a 10th grader at WWHS. The e-mail list is that of last year's Science Fiction and Fantasy Writing Club, which Ecker used without permission to distribute this crap. After talking with my brother, the head of the club, and a couple other people, we decided that this was a total rant that didn't even work. "
     God, I am this close to walking the two blocks between my house and yours, and "playing the beat senseless game." This guy can't even get privacy? Fuck you. If you wanted your name kept secret, how would you like it if someone exposed who you were. He should not have hidden behind a false name, and he should not have used an email list like this, but if you join that dumbass club, sign up for yahoo groups or whatever, be prepared to accept the consequences.
     By the way, don't take such a condescending tone. The fact that you, like everyone else, hides behind the shred of secrecy this page offers speaks of your cowardice. Shut up for once.

"So, Jonathan Ecker wrote this? No wonder. He isn't the smartest kid I know, does plenty of "stupid" jokes, and plays video games all day long. And he was lucky enought to get the worst english teachers (on his opinion) since 7th grade - complained about them every day. I'm not that surprised that he did something like that ;-)"
     Fucking hell. Think before you post. Think for a second where he might be coming from. It may not be from where you are, cuddled up next to your mommy watching anime. What you said just enforces my earlier post. He is depressed, and you are to stupid to see it. And nice smiley by the way. Real cool.

"John just hasn't thought it over to ask people if they want to know what he thinks before going out and spamming us."
     Says the man posting on a blog, that noone but his closest friends read. How about this, next time, before you post, email me, or ask me, if I give a shit. See how much gets done, and how many people will be happy.

"Upon enterring Honors English, he came into my class and hasn't put forth much effort."
     It is Honors English 10, you are not some god amongst men for taking that class. 3/4 of your grade is in it, maybe he was tired of being talked down to by people like you.
     Did it once occur to you guys that he could be sitting at home thinking about how you waste your lives acting like idiots while he is undergoing severe issues right now? I am not 100% sure he is depressed, but he fits the description in the book I read. Maybe you should do some research before insulting people.
     I have not included my name, though some will likely figure it out. The reasons for this are simple to see, but if you insist I will post it.
     I must also thank you for posting a response that was well thought out, I was not feeliing well that day, and I vented in some poorly constructed sentences. I still stand by my comments to Ben and Alex. Shut up, you aren't funny. My real post is a bit late, but whatever. And when this discussion is over, please ban my ip again.
     Thank you for your time. And sorry for any spelling/grammar errors, I dont proofread with such tiny boxes.
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Just to start off:
     "I would also like to point out that this is a weblog being kept by a rather overwight teenager, not my fucking English class, but to make for better reading, I shall try to 'learn sentence structure.'" Well then why the fuck would you criticize Ben and Alex for misspellings? You're not their "English class" (I would think that you mean English teacher, but whatever), so what can you say? And it's a low blow to call me a rather overwight teenager if you don't tell me who you are. If all you can do is insult what I look like, than obviously you don't have a better argument. Look at how many times I've managed to insult you without ONCE refering to what you look like (mainly because you refuse to give us your identity). You're just some crater-faced dick of a teenager who has zero experience in the real world, not a psychologist, but for sake of a more sensible argument I will attempt to look at it from "his perspective."

     So, a surprisingly well thought-out response from Banned Ip. Do I agree with most, or even any of it? No. Not really. To start, he makes a simple assumption that he shouldn't have made: That the one book he read gave him the more understanding than me. Maybe after reading your one book on depression, you became more understanding than you were, but it certainly did not make you less of a hypocrite. Let's look back at something hmmmmm? Back on my 113th post, I put up a song as a helping hand for a teacher (Mr. Rogers). What did you say to me?
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that beat licks balls
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     You know, look at it from my perspective, would you? Be a little more considerate? You know, maybe I was depressed. "Depressed teens are often irritable, taking out most of their anger on their family. They may attack others by being critical, sarcastic, or abusive." (focusas.com) Don't I seem to fit some random definition of depression? Of course, but basing it on some random writing isn't some grand guarantee. Hell, even most people having a blog fits the definition of "Persistent boredom." Don't assume that because some guy wrote something that fits one of the blanket definitions of depression means he is depressed.
     "Yet you sit here, at your computer screens insulting him for simply articulating how he feels." This one makes me a little angry. Isn't this what you're doing to me? This is how I feel about his poorly written letter, and yet here you are, telling me I'm wrong. Aren't you sitting at your computer screen sarcastically saying things like: "Amen my brother, i completely agree with what you are saying these kids are really big jerks and are jealouse of your computer tallents and jobs. i mean sure they get girls and stand higher in the social rank, but who need that any way. maby some day in the coprate world you will be their boss." I don't get you. I'm looking at things through your perspective and this is what I hear: "Only I'm allowed to criticize people. When other people criticize they aren't being open minded enough." This coming from someone who thinks that playing Final Fantasy Tactics advanced makes them a womanizer. All I know about you is that you can't handle it when other people beat you to criticizing others. Does this change the fact that he could be depressed? No. John could very well be depressed, but the only thing that I know about him is that he has the maturity and forethought of a five year old.
     Who else would write their personal thoughts and opinions in a letter then accidentally send it out? John wrote a second email to the same list, in which he outlines the murder of the entire English department with lightsabers and flamethrowers because they didn't listen to him.
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     Ok, i'm officially annoyed, and i'm ready to do anything to get the School's policy straightened out. Unless it comes to using nukes, i don't like nukes. Flamethrowers i will do, and even lightsabers if Jaina will share.
     Now, number one, i know this is kindof the opposite of what i said in my major Pantsman letter to the English Department (if any of you didn't get that, send a message to me saying so, and i will get it to you), but grades are based to much on tests now. We need more pop quizzes and less tests. BTW, there is a massive difference.
     Number two, "No Child Left Behind" has gone down the c***per. As you can plainly see in Whitman, we are, in fact, leaving Kids behind. Not to say any specific names (they travel in a group, you can pick them out), but kids are being left behind. And, i am not saying they are being left behind because they are average. No, they are less than average. When i wore my shirt that says "I'm not dead yet", a few of them asked me
what 'yet' means.
     Number two point five. Now, sometimes the school does a little of 'no child left behind', but for them to do that, they don't help the child being left behind. No, they stop everyone else so that the child can't get any further behind. It's genius, because then no child is getting left behind to far, but it's George Bush quality because no one else gets anywhere with it.
     Number three. The English Department still has not done anything about my request for a story writing class, they said they put in a writing center for lunch and after school, but i went there, and it turned out it was only a writing lab for doing homework and writing your own stories. Basically just free time for the computer. If they didn't watch my screen so much, i would have simply played quake the whole time it was so stupid.
     Now, either A)help out with fixing the above, or B)ask Jaina nicely for a lightsaber, i can supply flamethrowers.
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     Now, this was followed by an apology email: "The last email i sent was not supposed to be sent at all, ever. I had meant to click on the Save as a Draft button, because when I decide to not mail something when I am done writing it, i normally do that, but my hand must have slipped and i accidentally pressed the Send button. This list of email addresses should never get any more of my emails again, in fact i even messed up with what list i put into the address box. Once again, i am extremely sorry." But how can you make up for something like that? Once it was made clear that he blamed the English department for problems far beyond their control he lost everything. When they asked him what "yet" meant, I'm quite certain that they knew what the word yet meant, but they were wondering why you'd put it on a shirt. It makes some sense, and if we assume that he's depressed, then we might even go so far as to say that he thinks that the world assumes that he's dead, and he's defying it (which is the point of the shirt, I'm just inferring that he would actually believe it). Can I deny that he's depressed? No. I do know the guy, and I think that he is actually just really lazy, but that's just an opinion coming from someone who sees him everyday (please note that when I said you were arguing that he was depressed he laughed and said "Who the fuck thinks I'm depressed? I'm just lazy"). Can you claim that? He sits at the same table as me at lunch, and so I've talked with him a decent amount, whereas you make all of these assumptions on poor psychoanalytical skills from a single book. Yeah, we've all been through health, if that's where you trite definition of depression. But let's move on to looking at you:
     We'll start with by far the most abrasive thing you have to say which is "Why is murder illegal?" Maybe because people like you who think they know everything don't go off on hypocritical rampages? This is in response to what I can honestly agree was a stupid post. I could explain it, but yes, Jack wrote something stupid. But then again, you wrote a couple of things that you regretted, didn't you? How about those comments where you imitated me and Cavalkaf and had us act out an argument in hatred? Was that any more sensible or mature?
     Next you go off on a rant about how smart you are. You really seem to enjoy the fact that you think you know something that no one else understands, but all of your arguments are based on the idea that this person is depressed. What if he isn't? Then doesn't that make everything you said bullshit? When it comes right down to it, you're arguing for him having a total lack of self-confidence, which is impossible because he mass-mailed everyone with this essay which took balls (or stupidity). You have to choose one or another version of depression. If he is so damn indecisive, they why did he make the "giant" decision to switch from regular to honors English? If he is the insecure version of depressed then why the fuck would he put his opinions on public display? Unless he's taking all academic courses, most colleges will smile upon creative writing, it is not an "easy out." You have to take creative writing in addition to a "regular" English course, so most colleges see it as taking initiative, especially if you drop some random art class (or whatever) in order to take it.
     This next quote is my favorite: "Wow, you read BookWorld, why don't we hail you as the master of all knowledge." Wow, you read "one book" (which we never hear the title of) which apparently made you the "master" of psychoanalysis. Don't be a dick dude, you don't know anything. If you're taking a psychology course than keep in mind that you're still learning, and that honestly it takes most people a four-year college course combined with high-school courses to be able to diagnose most patients. Yes, Banned IP, Grand master of High School psychology. Do you think that reading this "one book" has given you the experience to diagnose people based on their writing? I mean, you haven't even met the guy, what the fuck do you know?
     "I wonder why noone speaks out anymore." People who are intelligent and have something to be angry about do speak out. If you're stupid and you speak out, then you get beaten down. That's the way of the world. Would you rather have stupid people who do speak out win? Then start supporting Jack Thompson. Even if he is right, he did it stupidly so now (don't click this link until you're done reading the whole response) his degree as a lawyer is being called into question. In the real world if you tell everyone something in a stupid way, regardless of whether or not you're right, you lose support and the world mocks you. This is the real world on a smaller scale. Deal with it.
     "By the way, don't take such a condescending tone. The fact that you, like everyone else, hides behind the shred of secrecy this page offers speaks of your cowardice. Shut up for once. " Hiding behind a shred of secrecy? Well, could you tell me what I'm hiding? Three things that make this bullshit:
1) My name, Kit Sczudlo, and address are all not only on this website, but on EVERY PUBLIC DNS SERVER ON THE PLANET. My picture is on this site several times (not on the main page because I don't have a picture of me that doesn't look like shit to date), and you probably could identify me on site in the school because I think you know who I am.
2) This website is on the internet, and is not password protected and is therefore, by definition, public. If you think that everyone on the list of people emailed will think my opinion is stupid and biased then feel free to send it to them. I would more than gladly listen to any criticism, but as you can probably guess, only criticism that actually has a factual base will do much more than be criticized.
3) If you haven't already noticed, I've given out all this information freely (not my address, but you can find that if you really want to; mainly because I'm worried some idiot will be offended by my opinion and come to kill me) because I honestly believe that I haven't done anything outside this website which makes the views expressed here invalid. In real life I am as open about my opinion as I am here, and to imply that somehow I'm hiding my identity to avoid crticism is stupid. If I'm hypocritical outside my website, then don't believe anything I've said here. You, on the other hand, are hiding behind a heavy layer of secrecy. All I have from you is an IP address and a few blindingly childish comments.
     Why do people hide behind secrecy on the internet? Either they don't want to be associated with their opinion (because it was stupid, false, or hypocritical), or they don't have the ability to back it up. If you spend your time killing people, then write books about how aborting fetuses is wrong, then no one would believe what you say. So you hide behind secrecy because it's the only way people will listen to you. John here knew that if everyone knew who he was, no one would believe him because we all know he's a MORON and so his comments about smart people are not only stupid, but unfounded. Basically we know he's just making it up, so what's the point in believing him? We also know that for the most part it seems like you're just making things up, so why should we believe you?
     "This guy can't even get privacy?" Why does he need it? Why do you?
     What I find most interesting is how you take all the comments and act like I wrote them. "[Following a quote from EvanW]... Says the man posting on a blog, that noone but his closest friends read. How about this, next time, before you post, email me, or ask me, if I give a shit. See how much gets done, and how many people will be happy." "[Following a comment by Cavalkaf] ... Fucking hell. Think before you post. Think for a second where he might be coming from. It may not be from where you are, cuddled up next to your mommy watching anime. What you said just enforces my earlier post. He is depressed, and you are to stupid to see it. And nice smiley by the way. Real cool." "[Following a comment by Eric] ... And I must say, you don't seem to have the balls to place your views out for public showcase like this." First off, I didn't say these things, other people did. Don't assume that because these people posted on my blog they represent my opinion. I can certainly say that what you post on my blog is not reflective of my opinion. Secondly, how is my blog NOT public showcase? If I give access to my wrting to the ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET then it's not private. I just have the decency not to shove my opinions down people's throats. If I emailed everything I wrote to random people then I would be, by definition, spamming. That is what John did. HE SPAMMED ME AND EVERYONE ELSE ON THAT LIST. I invite people to read my blog and try to prove me wrong. Isn't that what you did? I put my comments here up for criticism, and you attempted to "tear apart my poorly written views." Did you succeed?

No. All you managed to do was get your ass handed to you on a platter by a "rather overweight teenager." If you can fucking prove me wrong, DO IT.

Return of our "resident moron"

     So, a while back (here, here, and here), someone came on my website and just randomly began insulting me. He didn't get very far, prove much, or earn any friends, but he certainly was someone who got added to my banned ip list. Either way, just today, he came through and posted on a whole bunch of my entries demanding that his IP be blocked again. I deleted the comments that were simply out of immature spite, but kept the ones where he tried to make complete sentences (he can certainly spell, but does he have the slightest idea what sentence structure is?) and prove me wrong. The real reason that I left his comments up is because I'm curious what he means when he says: "Please don't insult people who believe in ID, then proceed to humiliate yourself like that." How did I humiliate myself? Or what he means by: "keep all insults above the belt. The last time you made an idiot out of yourself by insulting me was a bit uncalled for." How exactly did I make an idiot out of myself? How was my insult below the belt? I didn't ban your IP before you had the chance to read my insult. I'm waiting for a response.

Banned IP:
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Alex and Ben, you are both retards. Don't insult this guy when you can't even spell you're. And doodoo is not a funny word. You are not funny.

This guy, in my belief, has every right to complain, even if I don't agree with it. This guy, unlike you, took time to articulate his words. This is all funny because you bitch about IDers for doing exactly what you did on the top of this page. You can make him look like a retard, but can you do better?

Again, Alex and Ben, shut up.

Also, I only read their comments, if I repeated what someone else said, sorry.
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My Response:
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     In response to our nameless friend here (who I will refer to from now on as bannedip simply because that's what he used to be), I did not do the exact same thing at the top of the page. First and foremost, I have only the most vague idea of what you just said because it was all written so poorly that it made no sense.
     "This is all funny because you bitch about IDers for doing exactly what you did on the top of this page." I don't remember doing "exactly what IDers did," but I also don't think it's at the top of this, or any other page on my website. Assuming that you mean something along the lines of:
     "This is all funny because the letter that you posted about ID being taught in schools is exactly the same as the letter that you're mocking." If this is what you actually meant than you obviously didn't read either letter very well. I wouldn't have cared about the email about the English department if it had been well written (aka good grammar and good spelling), or had a reasonably intelligent line of logic. Unfortunately this letter had neither of those things. This letter was a pile of shit. The letter from http://www.venganza.org/ however, was written very well, was witty, and was sent to the proper people. Sending a letter which should be addressed to the English department heads at Montgomery County to those who signed up for Fantasy writing club doesn't strike me as having any point or helping your case. Glad to see that I could at least beat some sense into you though.
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Scuzzstuff and Shockwave Cheats

     So, if you haven't already checked it out, I updated Scuzzstuff. It now has a new game (Cursor Grab) and oh right, a whole new layout. That's kinda important. Yeah, anyone have an opinion? (Besides you Felipe, even though I did appreciate getting some feedback) Can anyone think of a better person to be my little mascot on all the pages? That was picked just simply because the text was awkward all on its own. Besides that, in the search for more games to put on scuzzstuff I made some nifty bookmark cheats for shockwave. Here's how they work
     Simply put, they abuse the bookmarklet feature on your browser in order to skip the ads on shockwave.com. When you choose a game, as long as that game has a button that says "play online" just hit this link (note, drag it to your bookmark bar):
gofast1
Then when the ad comes up just hit this link (also put this in your bookmark bar):
gofast2
That's about all I have for today. Check back tomorrow.

Backup Obsession

     So, as a general rule as a programmer, it's always been my philosophy to want to back everything up twice. Why? Simply because chances are that sooner or later, something you'll want to undo will happen, and that backup will come in handy. But what has been concerning me much more recently is that the integrity of my CDs and DVDs (games, music, and whatnot) has been failing recently. It's not so much that I'm storing them badly or anything, but that they are used too frequently, with sometimes good and sometimes failing equipment. So far, I know that my #2 CD for Starship Titanic is broken beyond repair, my Daft Punk: Discovery CD has two points that when I attempted to rip had skips, and my Amplitude (PS2 Game DVD) has a strange looking mark on the cover that makes me think that if I don't make a copy at some point the cover will tear off in some way. So recently I've become midly obsessed with the idea of saving all the crap I have. Suffice to say I've picked up a goodly amount over the years, and that it won't fit onto a reasonable number of CDs (somewhere in the range of 400 burnable 80 minute CDs to back up just what I have on my hard drives), DVDs (somewhere in the range of 65 single layer DVDs), or even Dual layer DVDs (33 Dual layer DVD+Rs). And this doesn't change the general problem that I honestly don't want to make static backups (backups that I can only change once) anyway.
     And this doesn't even include my games for PS1, PS2, and gamecube or my CDs and DVDs. Unfortunately, I couldn't back up some of these things even if I wanted to, simply because of limitations on the media (namely gamecube games and issues with FADE-protected games, and a need for a modchip). And all of this falls apart anyway when you realize that burnable media's lifetime isn't really known, mainly because media "rot," where water comes in contact with the reflective layer mainly due to cheap manufacturing processes and materials used to drive prices down. Though the estimated lifetime is between 25 and 100 years, this rot has been known to become a problem in as little as two years. If you'd like to, you can read more about it here. Basically, I want a really nice tape backup. Unfortunately to get one around the size that I need it could cost upwards of $200, and the tapes themselves would probably cost a pretty penny too. This also would not solve the problem of backing up CDs and DVDs, though I may just want to get an application like CloneCD and just make "perfect" iso's which could be stored on the tape for later use. Either way, I feel like I'm going to lose a lot of my stuff if I don't start backing it up in one way or another.

Noodle this, Kansas

     So, because there has been a lot of controversy over the mess with the Kansas board of education, and their decision to make "intelligent design" part of the curriculum. I didn't make any comments simply because I both wasn't here, and that I think that anyone who believes that God created life probably couldn't be convinced otherwise because it is something that cannot be disproved. Certainly someone could say: "Doesn't this seem to make more sense?" But they could simply dispute it with a belief, which cannot be disproved because there is nothing to disprove. It is simply a belief. As usual, I'll give you the link to the site, and put it up here:

OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD:
     I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.
     Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
     It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.
     Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
     I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.
     You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

     In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

     Sincerely Yours,
          Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.